Dutch Students vs International Students: Is It Really Hard to Make Friends?

One bad day can make an entire city feel unwelcoming

On her first day in Groningen, Romanian student Andreea Dascalu returned to a sparsely furnished room, sat on an inflatable mattress and called her mother in tears. She wanted to go home.

The beginning of her degree did not immediately improve that feeling. Dutch was the dominant language among some classmates, and Andreea was nervous about introducing herself in English. From the outside, the other students appeared to have already found their place.

The situation changed in a seminar of approximately 20 to 25 people. Once she began speaking to the students beside her, she discovered classmates from Mexico, Lithuania, China and the United Kingdom who were carrying much of the same anxiety. Conversations about common interests became her first connections and, eventually, friendships.

Her conclusion was not that loneliness disappears automatically. It was that one painful day should not be mistaken for the complete university experience. She also recommends joining an association, where repeated meetings make it easier for recognition to become friendship. Andreea told her story to the University of Groningen.

That distinction matters. The person sitting silently beside you may not be uninterested. They may be trying to decide whether their English is good enough, whether the group is already closed or whether introducing themselves would feel intrusive.

The smallest useful action is therefore not “make friends.” It is much more manageable: speak to one person before leaving the room.

Dutch and international students start on different social clocks

Calling the issue “Dutch students versus international students” makes it sound like a conflict between two homogeneous groups. The reality is less dramatic and more difficult to see.

Many Dutch students arrive with family nearby, school friends elsewhere in the country, a sports club or regular weekend plans. An international student may arrive without knowing a single person in the Netherlands. Both can be friendly, but they do not have the same urgency to build a social life from zero.

A 2026 survey of around 700 international students found that many were positive about their social lives, particularly their relationships with other international students. Contact with Dutch students was harder. Respondents described being excluded when Dutch was spoken around them or when Dutch students preferred to work together. Approximately one-third said they did not feel at home in the Netherlands. The findings were reported by HanzeMag from research commissioned by student organisations including ESN.

This does not prove that Dutch students are cold. It shows that being present in the same lecture is not enough to overcome different languages, routines and existing networks.

A first meeting only works when someone creates a second one

Hylke, a Dutch University of Groningen student, met one of her closest friends during KEI Week. The important part of the story is not that they happened to sit beside each other. It is what came next: they talked about their studies, exchanged numbers and continued meeting.

During her first year, Hylke also organised an informal gathering with several women from her programme. The room was cramped, but there were snacks, drinks and enough conversation to make later lectures feel different. Afterwards, she knew people she could sit beside.

She also met others through a creative-writing course at USVA, where the activity supplied a natural subject for conversation. Hylke describes these experiences in a University of Groningen student blog.

Her story offers one of the most practical lessons for both Dutch and international students: do not end a promising conversation with “See you around.”

Make the next step specific and small:

• “I’m getting coffee after this lecture. Do you want to join?”
• “Are you going to the seminar on Thursday?”
• “I’m studying at the library tomorrow afternoon if you want to work together.”
• “A few of us are cooking on Friday. Would you like to come?”

A precise invitation is easier to accept than a vague promise to meet someday. If the answer is no, it is not necessarily rejection. Ask once more on another occasion, then allow the relationship to develop—or not develop—without pressure.

The people you meet in introduction week may not become your closest friends

Savannah, a student from Zimbabwe, arrived in Groningen after growing up with a close group of school friends. In the Netherlands, she had to navigate housing problems, introduction events, changing relationships and the awkward breaks between classes when everyone appears to know where to stand except you.

She found community through mentor groups, student associations and the uncomfortable act of entering events alone. But she is also honest about loneliness and about friendships changing when people graduate, move or develop different lives.

Her advice is reassuring because it does not promise an instant solution: “You’re not alone. And you don’t have to find your best friend in week one.” Savannah’s experience was published by HanzeMag.

Introduction weeks are useful, but they create intense proximity rather than guaranteed intimacy. Everyone is available, enthusiastic and slightly overwhelmed. Once classes and jobs begin, some connections disappear.

A more resilient social life has several smaller foundations:

• One or two people from your course.
• A recurring association, sport, volunteering role or creative activity.
• Someone near your home with whom you can share an ordinary meal or walk.
• At least one person you can contact when you need practical help.

Depending entirely on one group makes every disagreement or cancelled plan feel catastrophic. Several modest connections are often safer than one instant “family.”

An international association does not have to be an international bubble

Dutch International Relations student Jorrit Saaltink found close friendships through the Latin American Students Groningen association, commonly known as ALAS. He described its atmosphere as open, informal and respectful.

For Chilean PhD students Camila Martínez and Mónica Lobato, the association provided something different: shared language, familiar cultural references and contact with people who understood the experience of living abroad. Mónica described feeling represented and at home.

Their experiences show that cultural associations can perform two functions simultaneously. They can give international students relief from having to explain everything, while also creating an accessible way for Dutch students and other internationals to enter a community through food, music and shared interests. UKrant documented their experiences with ALAS.

The practical question is not whether an association is Dutch or international. Ask whether its activities make repeated interaction possible.

A crowded party may produce many introductions and no lasting contact. A weekly rehearsal, training session, committee meeting or shared cooking event gives people a reason to return—and a job to do together.

Go at least twice before deciding that you do not belong. On the second visit, faces become recognisable. Helping to arrange chairs, welcome newcomers or clean up can produce more natural conversations than standing in the middle of a social event waiting to appear approachable.

A buddy can be a bridge without becoming a best friend

When Venezuelan student Samanta Estevez Carias arrived in Groningen, she knew nobody. She registered for a buddy programme because she wanted one reliable person she could approach with questions.

Her local buddy was Livia Stein, a German psychology student who had already lived in Groningen for several years. Livia showed her the city and helped her understand practical aspects of student life. Their first meeting began with food and continued at an ESN social event with other buddies and newcomers.

Samanta did not present the match as an instant best friendship. Instead, she described Livia as a safe person to contact—more like a supportive older sister. That is an important form of connection in its own right.

Elli Winetsdorfer had experienced the limitations of a buddy programme during the COVID period, when her contact remained largely confined to messages. She later worked to help other students build the in-person connections she had missed. Their stories were reported by HanzeMag.

A buddy scheme works best as an entrance rather than a friendship-delivery service. Ask the questions that are difficult to answer from a website. Accept invitations where you can meet the buddy’s wider circle. If the personal chemistry is limited, the programme can still help you understand the city.

Students currently interested in this route can check the ESN Groningen Buddy Programme and their faculty’s own mentoring or buddy options.

Sometimes the barrier is a misunderstood word

Not every uncomfortable interaction is exclusion. Sometimes two people attach completely different meanings to the same behaviour.

Navod Daks, a Hanze student from Sri Lanka, noticed social rules that Dutch students might never think to explain. In his background, for example, older people may be served first, while Dutch self-service situations can operate differently. When misunderstandings occur, he tries to reflect, discuss what happened and apologise when necessary. He also learned that tone can be interpreted differently across cultures.

Ralph, a student whose appearance led others to make assumptions about his identity, described how repeated stereotypes consumed enough emotional energy that he began withdrawing from conversations.

Abdullah experienced a different misunderstanding. He used “habibi” as a friendly form of address, but someone interpreted it romantically. Once he explained the cultural meaning, the moment became an opportunity for curiosity rather than conflict. All three students discussed these experiences with HanzeMag.

When an interaction feels strange, clarification is often more useful than silent interpretation:

• “I may be reading this differently. What did you mean?”
• “In my culture, that expression is friendly rather than romantic.”
• “Was that a serious invitation, or were you being polite?”
• “Could we switch to English while everyone is here?”

Dutch students can help by resisting the urge to turn every international classmate into a cultural interview. Asking where someone is “really from” may feel like curiosity to one person and a denial of identity to another. Friendship becomes easier when people are allowed to be individuals rather than representatives of entire countries.

Speaking imperfect Dutch can still open a door

Tabata, a Spanish student from Mallorca, began learning Dutch through apps, Dutch influencers and everyday encounters. Ordering coffee initially made her nervous because a memorised sentence could produce a rapid Dutch response she did not understand.

She continued because even a few words were often appreciated. For her, language also became a way to understand local humour, culture and social habits—not merely a tool for completing transactions. Tabata shared her language-learning experience with HanzeMag.

International students do not need fluent Dutch before speaking to Dutch classmates. A greeting, a thank-you or a sincere attempt can signal that you are interested in the place rather than only passing through it.

Dutch students have an equally simple responsibility: when someone joins a group and cannot follow the conversation, switching to English can determine whether that person remains or quietly leaves.

Students who want regular practice can use the University of Groningen’s overview of language cafés or investigate the ESN Language Exchange Programme.

A two-week friendship plan based on what worked

The real stories above suggest a plan that is more useful than simply telling newcomers to “put themselves out there.”

Days 1–3: choose repetition

Select one environment you will revisit: a seminar seat, sports training, association, language café, volunteering shift or creative course. Friendship needs repeated exposure. Five unrelated events can be less effective than returning to the same place twice.

Speak to one person before leaving. You do not need to be entertaining. Ask about the assignment, the next event, the building or where they normally study.

Days 4–7: create the second meeting

Send one specific invitation connected to something already happening. Coffee before class is easier than organising an entire evening. Studying together is easier than asking a near-stranger to define the relationship.

If someone invites you, answer clearly. “Maybe” can sound polite while preventing the other person from planning.

Week two: become useful to a small group

Bring a snack, share accurate course information, help set up an activity or organise a simple meal. Do not try to purchase friendship with constant favours. The aim is to participate rather than wait to be selected.

Follow up with the people whose company felt comfortable, not only those who seemed impressive or popular.

Keep one plan small enough to repeat

A weekly walk, coffee after Wednesday’s lecture or shared study block often builds more trust than a spectacular night out followed by a month of silence.

When loneliness becomes more than an awkward beginning

Not every story ends with the right association and a new best friend. UKrant’s account of Romanian student Emina Hogas records that she spent her year in Groningen feeling like an outsider and found it difficult to make friends. Her experience appeared in an investigation into international students leaving university.

Stories like hers matter because they prevent friendship advice from becoming blame. A student can attend events, initiate conversations and still remain lonely. Language, discrimination, finances, housing instability and mental health can all limit the energy available for social life.

If loneliness continues for weeks and begins affecting sleep, eating, attendance or the ability to study, it should not be treated as a personal failure. University of Groningen students can approach a mentor or study adviser, request an intake with a student psychologist or use an All Ears walk-in consultation. A GP can also discuss mental-health support. The university lists its current support routes online.

So, is it really hard?

Yes, it can be—particularly when an international student is building an entire life while Dutch classmates are adding university to a life that already exists.

But the divide is not permanent, and it is not explained by nationality alone. The real stories from Groningen show that friendships tend to form when the same people meet repeatedly, someone proposes a concrete second meeting and cultural misunderstandings are discussed before they harden into assumptions.

International students should not have to perform endless confidence to earn inclusion. Dutch students should not be treated as a single closed culture. Both groups can make the distance smaller through ordinary decisions: change language when someone cannot participate, invite one person specifically, return to the same activity and ask what was meant before deciding what someone intended.

The decisive moment is rarely a dramatic introduction. It is the message sent the next morning: Coffee before class?